(Source: ashleighadeline, via littlemissmisi)
Well, not much happened just A LOT of thinking/dreaming. Just got finished with my paper that’s due tomorrow, or in like 8 hours:p, and am now laying in the dark since my stupid tv doesn’t want to work:/ Got my herrr done and it’s blonde in the middle but I don’t currrrr! Just sat around, thinking about the Vampire(as usual) and whether or not He told Bella those 3 special Words. I hoped He did because that would most likely, if not DEFINITELY, make Him happy so like yeah. If He’s happy, then I’m happy. Just sat around pondering the what-it’s and there results. Idk what will happen at re end of the year (only 7 more days!:/) but what happens, happens. I can’t really give myself advice right now since I’m kinda sleepy but most likely will tomorrow. Just wanted to check in and report some things like I might be resorting back to my blackness because like I was watching The Game and thought it was pretty cool and keep listening to Ciara0_0 Whateva! YOLO! ^-^
Today was pretty stressful, even without school!:/ Just simply went on facebook, not intending at ALL to look at Bella’s page, to conform something school related and got bombarded with the whole “I love you” thing. She just asked a simple question about if He would say I love you to Her but I don’t know if He did or not. I guess I would say I hope He didn’t but at the same time wouldn’t because He’s now happy and He should show His feelings to WHOEVER He wants. I know it will probably NEVER happen and that I should just MOVE ON but I REALLY don’t know what’s wrong with me; like, we haven’t even hugged or had a conversation lasting more than 10 minutes, let alone DATING so why am I acting like this? I just really need to move on and am with a couple of love songs like “I Can’t Make You Love Me”, a cover by Prince^-^ or “Saving All My Love For You” by Whitney Houston. But I still have the urge to think that He will say He wants me or whatever. It started off just a harmless, or what was thought to be, crush and has now progressed into an unhealthy obessession:/ And I fully admit this with both great shame and pride. It kills me to know that there’s probably others out there who WANT me FOR me but I’m just stuck on Him:/ At first I blamed Him for my feelings but in the end, it’s only me to blame. I’ve put all this on myself chasing after a hopeless fantasy. The ONLY thing that makes ME happy and go to sleep is KNOWING that He is truly happy, with whom ever it maybe:)
